Nintendo started off with the usual casual gamer this, casual gamer that. Telling the millions who've already bought their hardware how great of a company they are. Yes Nintendo we understand. We also understand you introduced fixing the Wii Mote with Wii Motion Plus and segregating your market yet again however if it works for you shit do it Wii Motion Plus at last year's E3 and it has yet to materialize.

What's the deal with so many "fitness" games. Do lard obeast tubs actually think they'll suddenly become healthy by DDRing on a board or is it that they simply feel good about themselves for accomplishing the tasks these games put forth, that they simply forget about the fact these games do nothing to benefit health. Moving for 30 minutes while eating a Big Mac combo immediately afterwards defeats the purpose. Ignorance is bliss I suppose.

Satoru Iwata then hit the stage to announce the next "big" thing in Nintendo's 2009 line up, and to no ones amazement, came an anti-climactic announcement of the Vitality Sensor. Yeah if you're old, dying and wearing depends you know what this is, you may even already have one. If you're a video game enthusiast at a video game convention, you give an audible sigh, palm to the forehead and whisper a WTF. Again this is their press conference but I'm passive- aggressive so, same shit different ass. I appreciate the explanation of how people are so scared of jumping into video games because they are pussies Iwata, but that shit won't fly with me. I'm hardcore, beefcake, BEEFCAKE.

Mario games aside, I haven't played a Mario game through to completion since the DS's New Super Mario Bros, which was slick beginning to end, though I seriously question the blue turtle power up, so I'll leave my comments on SMG 2 on deck till then. Finally as an apology for the shit stew that was the Vitality Sensor we get Reggie up on stage to talk some of the good shit. The Conduit gets some sweet 2 minutes of love as does Resident Evil: Darkside Chronicles, and out of nowhere Team Ninja, yes Ninja Gaiden ass ripping motha fucking Tomonobu Itagaki take shit from no one I wear my sunglasses at night Team Ninja, gets handed the Metroid License to bring it to the masses. Looking good Nintendo. Looking good.

Next Up: Sony, they've got some serious stage work to follow. T - minus 2 minutes. Fuck I'm out.

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